there's nothing you can do for them

distant stars
come in black or red
i've seen their worlds
inside my head

full name michael xavier ferrier
age nineteen, born july 28
born in delta, missouri
body type 5'11", 154 lbs, healthy/average weight but not very muscular. He's actually kind of lazy.
hair medium brown, short
eyes blue-gray

hi. my name is michael. i'm nineteen. i graduated at seventeen and haven't gotten into colleges yet, so i'm kind of just living at home currently. i work. sometimes i mow lawns or baby-sit for other people's kids, but that's more of a side job. my main job is at a local comic book store. to be honest, it's a pretty shit job. the building itself is a bit run down, and even though i know there are still some people who collect, we don't get a lot of customers. mostly just tourists. i need to quit but i'm not very impulsive, so i'm having difficulty actually working up to it.

( a spider's silk is stronger than steel )

the first thing you'll need to know about me - if you're interested in learning anything in the first place - is that i'm a quiet person. not necessarily shy, though i can be. i mostly just keep to myself. it's as natural for me as breathing. i'm also very sensitive. i have anxiety problems. i tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. it's very problematic for me. hence, the quietness. at least it keeps me out of trouble with other people, most of the time. there are a lot of other ways i deal with it as well, but you'll learn about those as we go.

when i get nervous, i tend to spout off random bits of (mostly useless) knowledge. i'm obsessed with random facts. it fascinates me, the way the world works. i like to fill my head up with that stuff, not only because it makes me feel smart but also as an escape. i don't know why, but it just works.

( wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times )

i'm allergic to fish. when i eat fish, it causes an anaphylactic shock, which is - to be blunt - an incredibly dangerous, life-threatening allergic reaction. it can be fatal. i have to take my medicine with me everywhere i go, and although it isn't too difficult to avoid eating fish, sometimes it can be a hassle. i've only gone into the shock once or twice, but it was very scary.

when i was younger, i was a lot different from how i am now. i lived a mostly normal life. i have a mother and a father, two younger sisters and an older brother. my mom works as a secretary. i was always closer to her than anyone else in our family, but we weren't exactly 'best friends.' she was just there for me more than the others. my father used to be in the military. he was a lot harder on us than our mother, who had always been very lenient, but also weak and was oftentimes too easy.

( uranus was originally called george, in honor of king george iii of britain )

i don't really like to talk about my dad too much, though. why? well, see, i was always the slower, weaker son, so of course dad - who liked to push us to our limits to make sure we turned out to be the very best we could be - was a bit harder on me. not that he hit me or anything like that. he was just really mean a lot of times, even if he was only trying to help. i know he loved me, but he sucked at showing it.

my other siblings are better off. my brother, william, is 23, recently married, and currently working on getting a degree so he can be a doctor - something dad pushed him into. he's good at science and all that junk, and he can handle the sight of blood, so we already know he'd be a good one, but it isn't really what he wants to do. he's only doing it because of dad. the only person who doesn't know that is dad.

( a woman's heart beats faster than a man's heart )

the eldest sister, hallie, is obsessed with dancing and the arts. she likes all sorts, but she's best at the ballet stuff. she plays the piano, as well as a bit of the violin. she's been into it since she was real little. dad couldn't force her into doing anything else if he tried. we all know what she plans on going into. even if she doesn't earn a very good living from it, she's naturally a very upbeat, positive, take-no-bullshit kind of person, so at least we know she'll most likely always be happy, if not just because she'd be living her life how she wants to.

and then there's lindsay. she's only fifteen, so there isn't really a lot to say about her. she's a freshman in high school and probably the most annoying, rambunctious of the four of us. but she gets good grades, so i guess that makes up for it. who knows where the hell her life is going. i'm pretty sure she has no idea what she wants to do once she gets out of college. but that's okay. neither do i. mom always reassures that she didn't either "“ that's why she has a really lame, easy job as a secretary. neither of my parents went to college, though my father could have if he wanted to. that's why they're trying to push us into it. they both regret it.

( no one knows where mozart is buried )

to most people, i think i come off really weird. i was always the quiet kid in class, the one everyone knew was there but they didn't necessarily know my name. i don't get close to people. i get nervous around others. i'm not as sad as i come off seeming most of the time, though. one of my friends thought i was depressed and tried to get me help. that didn't end well. i'm okay, though. i just have anxiety problems. my life isn't really in control yet. as my father likes to say, i'm a "work in progress."

when he says stuff like that, i feel like he expects too much of us. whatever happened to living your life and taking things as they come at you? but that probably wouldn't work for me "“ i'm so relaxed about "the future" that sometimes i forget i have to get ready for it.

( it takes about 142.18 licks to reach the center of a tootsie pop )

note

had

matthew hutton