So, we already know your name is Drayden Box. What’s the story behind that name, if there is one?
Hell if I know. I’m sure when I was born my parents made a list of names they liked just like everyone else does when they’re about to have a kid, but I never bothered to ask them what it was. I like my name.
Do you still attend high school or have you graduated? Have you gone on to college yet?
I graduated recently, but I’m on summer vacation right now. I haven’t started applying for colleges yet and right now I don’t really care to do it.
Why not?
I have a love-hate relationship with education. The thought of school makes me want to punch a baby.
Is that sarcasm?
How’d you figure? But no, it’s not really. I mean, I do hate school most of the time, but I don’t punch babies. I simply cringe at the thought of going for another two or four years.
But if you did, what would you go for? What would you be studying?
I’m not really sure. I’ve always been a bit of a science nerd, so maybe I would major in geology or meteorology or some shit like that. I could be a weatherman or a newscaster or a radio DJ, but I don’t think you have to go to college for that. Or maybe I could go to clown school. That’d be pretty neat, don’t you think?
Do you often use sarcasm?
Uh, I do about ninety five percent of the time, yes. But if I don’t want to go to college, why would I know what I wanted to go for if I did? That seems pretty stupid to me. If I knew what I wanted to go for, I would go. I could just as easily do it online too.
How do your parents feel about you not going to college?
Well, let’s see. My sister went to college, dropped out the first semester, and they threw a fit. My little brother Landon is always saying he wants to DJ at clubs, which doesn’t seem to require a college degree either. Right now, my brother Audrey is the only one planning to go. I think they’re pretty pissed, considering both of them went to college and graduated and got good jobs.
What do your parents do?
My dad is a radiologist and my mom is a massage therapist.
I bet they’re an interesting pair.
Not really…

What do you like to do in your spare time?
I like to play with my dog and ride dirt bikes. Sometimes I'll ride out in the rain just to see if I get struck by lightning. That seems plenty fun.
…Has anyone ever told you that you’re an idiot?
Oh, loads of times. I hear that about as often as I hear my name.
And how often do you hear your name?
Every day, especially at night in bed from the lips of another person—oh baby!
Are you gay?
Nah, I’m mostly bisexual.
What do you mean by mostly bisexual?
Means I’m about as indecisive as a little kid with A.D.D. I like to experiment. Girls are fun, but boys are hotter, you know?
Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I’m not much for dating. I like to just fool around.
How do your parents feel about this?
Aha! You’re assuming they know, aren’t you?
Yes…
Well, they don’t. Nobody in my family knows.
Why not?
Uh, well, maybe because they’re religious and they’d kick my ass out on the street? With no job and nowhere else to go, I’d be screwed.
Does it bother you that your parents are homophobic?
No, I said they’re religious, not homophobic.
But you’re saying they wouldn’t accept you either way?
No. They believe homosexuality of any sort is wrong because the bible says it, but they’re not really against it.
That’s… complicated.
Yeah, tell me about it. Religious people work in strange ways.

Do you have any fears?
Aha, there’s a question I’ve never liked. I used to be terrified of the dark and clowns. People say they think I’m afraid of commitment too, but I know that I’m not.
…What are you afraid of, then?
Creepy noises in the night. Huge bugs. Fucking spiders scare the shit out of me, especially the tarantulas.
Ha-ha. Do you have any weaknesses, Drayden?
Everyone has weaknesses. Mine is cigarettes. I used to smoke like a damn chimney, but I quit cold turkey a few years ago because I just felt like it. I still get the urge sometimes, though, and if you give me a cigarette and some source of fire then I’ll most likely light up, even with knowing it’s not very good for me.
What about strengths?
I don’t give up very easily. If I want to do something, I will goddamn do it no matter what is going on around me. I could be playing a video game and someone say the world was about to end and I’d just keep going until I finished a specific level or beat my previous high score. That might be a weakness, actually… Um, I’m very open-minded? Usually, but not always; we’re not all completely accepting.
What are four words you would use to describe yourself?
“Stupid mother fucking kid!” No, I’m joking. I do a lot of stupid things, but so does everyone else. I don’t hold that against myself, because I’m only human and we all make mistakes. But uh, four words, okay… Argumentative. My dad always says I could be a good lawyer, but uh, I don’t like law all too much. Driven, spirited. Flirtatious. I like to mess around with people’s minds. Let me mess with yours?
…Or not. You should add frustrating to that list. Bye, Drayden.
Aw! You're no fun.