bailey r. carstensen
{ home; }
in my heart you will remain
____________________________
age| Eighteen, born January 11
occupation| Recent high school graduate, still currently lives at home. She got average grades in school and was a good student, but didn’t really stand out a lot. Employed at American Eagle, customer service rep.
hair| Long, a little past chest-length, and layered. Naturally dishwater-blonde, which it still is mainly, but now also with varying lighter shades of blonde and a few streaks of dark brown mixed in.
eyes| Blue-green, gets darker around the edges, with long, dark eyelashes.
build| 5’4”, average weight, generally healthy body type. Fair-skinned, dusted lightly with freckles and spotted occasionally with acne. She has always been more likely to burn than she is to tan.
body mods| None (currently)
orientation| Unsure
hi, i'm bailey. if you're here, chances are you probably want to know a little bit about me, yeah? well, i've never been very good at organizing details about myself, so don't expect anything fancy, but i'll give it a shot. here goes nothing.
eighteen years old. recently graduated (class of 2010, hoorayyy?), currently stuck in that in-between phase which is after high school but before college. don't know where i want to go with my life, but i'll figure it out. i work at american eagle. love the style of dress, but hate the usual crowd that comes in. oh yeah, i'm not much of a people person. truth be told, i usually prefer nature and animal life to my own kind--humans, society in general. not sure why. maybe it's the lack of stupidity. huh.
i'm a christian. i go to church and everything, even though i've always been a little iffy about the bible.. hard to believe that one. it changes too much over time and with each story and tends to contradict itself a lot. granted, i like to read and hear about other religions too, but i only believe in my one god, a loving god. i believe in reincarnation, too, though (kinda, or at least i'm open to the idea of it). i'm not really one of those types that tries to "recruit" nonbelievers or whatever. people can believe in whatever they want; that's their choice. i've dated atheists before, so i obviously don't have a problem with different belief systems. i won't judge you if you won't judge me; that's the general agreement. so long as you don't hold me back from my faith, we'll get along just fine.
i'm a pretty understanding person in general. no use denying it; i know i am. very independent, very much my own person. i don't like to rely on other people for anything - money, food, stuff like that. i can take care of myself just fine, but i guess like anyone i still need a shoulder to cry on sometimes when i'm feeling down. i used to have a lot of trouble letting people in like that, but over the years it's gotten easier, cos of best friends helping me out and just being... there. i like to help people too, but i'm not very good at it. i mean, i'm a great listener, but i have difficulty putting thoughts into words a lot of times. a lot of it comes out sounding wrong and harsh, more so than i might have intended. i wouldn't make a very good therapist, but that's okay. i didn't plan on being one anyway.
i try not to judge people, but sometimes i slip up. i'm not perfect, i'll admit. i have flaws and i have insecurities. but i'm happy enough with myself that i can look past it. i haven't always been. i've worked really hard to get there; it didn't just happen overnight, that's for sure. i've changed pretty much every aspect of my appearance in as natural a way as possible. i've gotten past a lot of my insecurities over the years. there's still stuff i hate about myself, stuff i'd like to change, but i've accepted that i can't fix everything. i've accepted that sometimes it's necessary to have those flaws. nobody can be 100%, but as long as you're able to love yourself as much as you can, i guess that's what really matters, you know?
my family is, compared to most people's families that i know of, surprisingly normal. my parents are still happily married. they don't fight. i have a slightly younger sister (brianna, she's sixteen) and a slightly older brother (kaleb, he's twenty-two). i get along okay with both of them, even though we still fight sometimes, over stupid shit mostly, as usual. my brother is really protective of me, as most older brothers are of their younger sisters. my parents are a little older than most of my friend's parents. they married young, but didn't start having kids until after they'd gotten out of college, at least. they were smart enough to do that.
my mom's a teacher and my dad's a psychologist. are you surprised? no, it's actually kinda funny, considering i suck at helping people. but yeah, he's helped me get through a lot of my shit and i love him for that. he's the reason our family is really close-knit, too. he always preaches about how important it is for families to spend time together and talk about their problems and just like, understand each other. so we worked on it, and it helped more than i thought it would. it doesn't mean that we're perfect or anything, but at least we're not one of those families where everyone just ignores each other and all this bad shit goes on with the kids without either of the parents even knowing.
i guess if you judge based on how i talk about this stuff, you'd see me as a fairly awkward person. in all actuality, i think i'm pretty average. i'm usually really optimistic, not so much of a downer if you catch me at the right time. i'm still a lot like a kid - i don't really want to grow up - but at the same time i know when to be serious. i love my friends, the people i hang out with are great, even though since graduation i've lost a few of them. i like summertime and county fairs. i'm afraid of heights, but i love those rides that kind of put your stomach to the test. i always have to close my eyes when i go on them though, which of course only makes it worse, but i can usually get through it just fine.
i like animals, all kinds, even the weird ones. unlike most girls, i'm not afraid of creepy crawlies. i like spiders. i'll pick them up in my hands, i'll let them crawl all over me. it doesn't bother me, just so long as i don't find them somewhere around me while i'm in bed at night. i like swimming, too. not much for sports in general, not really the athletic type. i prefer watching sports to actually doing them, and even then the stuff i can watch without getting bored is kind of limited. i hate football, hate basketball. soccer's fun. i can't run to save my life, but i like watching track stuff. it amazes me how far and long they can carry themselves on their feet. swimming is really the only thing i do, though. i love water. not sure why. just do.
i like making memories. warm hugs and holding hands and all other kinds of simple, sweet affectionate gestures. i love to read, but i don't really have a particular genre that i favor over all of the others. the smell of old books. i'm not too good of a writer in general, but i like to dabble with poetry from time to time. i'm a people watcher. i like to observe. sometimes that makes me seem creepy, but i don't care. i can learn more about a people from just watching them than i could ever learn by trying to get them to reveal themselves about me. i over-analyze a lot. it gets me in trouble a lot, too.
if there's one thing in the world that i absolutely hate, it's being stereotyped. it just boils my blood when all you're trying to do is express yourself, but no matter how you act, people will still judge you based solely on your appearance. i've been called many things, but only because i've been through a lot of phases, the majority of which are not even worth mentioning. the most important thing to me in the world is honesty. i live for the truth. i hate fakeness. i hate lying. i have a very difficult time lying; i can't lie to save my life, seriously. it's ridiculous, and gets me in a lot of trouble, but you know, honestly, i don't care. people always get pissed off when you say stuff but if you're just being honest, what's the big deal? you'd think people would appreciate it more, but that's not the way it usually goes down. i don't get it.
but maybe that's just me.
pics (c) unsure... possibly from FFFFOUND?